


Heaven Help A Fool

by Prosecutor_1412



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 14:23:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10467099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prosecutor_1412/pseuds/Prosecutor_1412
Summary: Weiss spends a night drinking and indulging in regrets concerning her short and bittersweet relationship with Ruby back when they were at Beacon. Weiss later finds out that the past has a way of coming back to surprise you and learns that when it comes to forgiveness, forgiving yourself can be the most difficult of all.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gurrennn (Zerrat)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zerrat/gifts).



> Dedicating this fic to the amazingly awesome Verdantei for being so supportive! Finally decided to start posting stuff I've written, starting off with something from my new fave fandom, thanks to encouragement from this dork. ;)

Weiss stared out of the window that was inches away from her bare skin at the cityscape of Atlas despite the chill off the glass that was seeping into her bones. The view of the city at night was beautiful in a distinctly modern way. But when snow fell, mixing with the lights of city it lent an almost fairytale-esque nostalgia to the view. Snow possessed a type of magic that even the power of Dust couldn’t replicate. It made the world quieter. Weiss wished that it would make her soul quieter on nights like this. Nights where maintaining this fragile “perfection” felt like she carried the entirety of Atlas upon her slender shoulders. 

Perfection was a completely put together outfit that drew attention. Perfection was a flawlessly delivered speech to company employees. Perfection was directing the most successful mass marketing campaign the SDC had ever run. Perfection was becoming a chairman of the board at the age of 26. 

Weiss was very well aware that perfection was not clandestine trysts with a woman who was a poor imitation of the object of her real desire in the shower of a hotel room. Perfection was not what she felt or thought of when she looked into eyes that were the wrong color as water caressed her pale skin. The woman’s blue eyes could never come close to the burnished silver Weiss craved. Perfection was not biting down on her lip hard enough that she bled to avoid moaning the name her heart whispered with each beat inside her chest. 

In the now solitary silence of her luxurious hotel room, wrapped only in a blanket of darkness and already fading endorphins, Weiss thought about how flawed and conceited the concept of perfection in human beings was. Her eyes tracked the snow swirling serenely past her window, even in nature perfection was a farce. There were perfect symmetrical snowflakes that existed, but more often than not they were rare to find and even then the conditions had to be optimal. Perfection was a product of the progression of society. It was her burden.

Weiss missed the time in her life when the definition of perfect was different each day. She missed when perfect was a cup of coffee with her team after a long study session. She missed when perfect was the incomparable feeling of trust she held for her teammates as they fought Grimm together. But really most of all, what Weiss missed the most was her partner. She ached inside for when the definition of perfection was the smile on Ruby Rose’s face when she looked at Weiss, those impossibly beautiful silver eyes seeing her for who she truly was.

It wasn’t like Weiss was unhappy with her life. She was immensely was proud of her work, proud of the perfection she had managed to cultivate with her own hands, her own words. 

But it was nights like tonight that her life weighed heavy on her shoulders like compacted snow that pressed down relentlessly and she would do anything to feel free of that weight if only for a few scant hours.

With a sigh Weiss forced herself to turn away from the sweeping panoramic view of Atlas. Her bare feet scuffed lightly across the carpet as she move to retrieve her scroll from where it sat forlornly on the ornate side table next to the bed. As usual there were no new messages. That was both a comfort and an irritation all at once. 

It was a comfort that no new issues had come up at work that demanded her attention, that there were no new passive aggressive messages from her parents or brother about trivial socialite nonsense.

It was an irritation that crawled under her skin that she hadn’t gotten a response from Winter about when she would next be granted leave so that they could see one another. The lack of messages was an irritating reminder that her social life outside of carefully orchestrated events and work was non-existent. This was her own doing though. She threw herself into her work with a single minded determination.

Weiss’ mind wandered to her teammates as she looked at her most recent contacts. There was only one other member of team RWBY on the list, Blake. Blake was the only one that Weiss still spoke to with any regularity. This was mostly due to the fact that they worked closely together to establish a good working relationship between the SDC and the White Fang, whom Blake was in charge of these days. Weiss had been immensely proud of their collaboration to secure equal rights and benefits for the Faunus employed by the SDC. 

Weiss closed the email window with a sigh and instead used her scroll to call down to the front desk to order a bottle of wine. 

While she waited for the wine to be delivered she went into cavernous bathroom turning the dimmable lights just bright enough to see with before she began to draw a bath. The marble tile under her bare feet was as cold as the chill coming off the windows. She should probably turn the heat up for the room. As she added an excessive amount of rose scented bath salts to the almost scaldingly hot water, she made an effort to keep her mind off of her teammates. At least until she had some alcohol in her system. Tonight was a ritual that had to be followed to allow her to cope with the state of her life. 

She could indulge in the pleasure of the physical, pretending to have what she’d broken. She could then dwell on memories of how she’d broken her happiness, but only when she had alcohol. The memories were too strong for her to handle without being tempered by a few drinks first. That meant that thinking about work in the meantime. Though work might at times be unpleasant, it didn’t carry the danger of bringing up memories that were still raw as a fresh Beowolf bite. 

With work at least it meant only dealing with her own triumphs and failures and memories of her father. Weiss had enough practice dissociating her feelings when it came dealing with her father that any memories of him were practically painless now.

When Weiss had obtained a position as a member of the board for the SDC, it was the youngest ever appointment. A notable achievement that both she and her father could enjoy, if for very different reasons. 

As Weiss watched the water filling the tub, the fragrant steam beginning to billow around the room in a pleasing way, she reflected on how she could be proud of her accomplishments. She’d fought hard to earn them out from under the shadow of her father. When she had graduated Beacon and reluctantly returned to Atlas to fall into the rank and file of the SDC she’d come prepared with her own terms on the advice of Winter. It had been sound advice as always and she’d been sure to send her sister a token of her gratitude in the form of a case of wine.

Her terms had been that she would do as her father wished and work for the company, but she would not accept any position that came as a direct influence from her family name. Her father had been against it of course in the beginning, a Schnee being a mere gopher and low level office worker? 

It was hard coded in the Schnee DNA that they were leaders of men, visionaries, the sharpest of minds to lead new innovations. They did not stoop to the tasks that ill fitted such greatness. But Weiss had been determined to earn her position. She had eventually managed to sway her father by pitching the idea as a way to let the laymen perceive her as someone they could relate to. 

If the everyday workers in the company saw her amongst their ranks and got to know her for her own achievements she would earn their respect. By the time she reached a position of real standing, she would have a large backing and be able to garner more support than opposition. To say that her father had been more than doubtful would have been the understatement of the century. 

Now however, even that man couldn’t argue that she’d been successful. It hadn’t been easy though, not that Weiss had wanted it to be easy. She wasn’t here for things to be easy, she was here to change the way things were done in the SDC. Every new meeting with various representatives for all workers, Faunus or human, was a step in the right direction. Every new marketing plan that originated from her desk was designed to paint a better future for the company once her father was gone. 

A staccato knocking on the door to her room broke Weiss out of her thoughts. She switched the taps off and only just remembered to grab a bathrobe on her way to answer the door. She thought about turning on the lights as to not appear too eccentric but decided she didn’t care and left them off, nights like tonight were better spent in the dark.

The bellhop on the other side of the door was cordial and polite, best of all he never mentioned her last name once. She loved this hotel for the discreet staff more than anything else. She accepted the bottle, a glass, and an opener before she dismissed him with a grateful tip. Once the door had shut and automatically relocked itself, Weiss returned to the bathroom stopping only momentarily to shed the robe she’d thrown on and grab her scroll from the sink. 

Weiss only felt fractionally guilty as the rose scented stream from the bath salts wrapped around her, caressing her more intimately than any partner she’d ever been with. What could she say, tonight was night of indulgences after all. Weiss poured herself a generous glass of wine before sinking into the bath with a resigned sigh. 

It was time for the second part of her ritual. There would be no avoiding thinking about Ruby, she could try to lie to herself and pretend that this time she wouldn’t. But the point of tonight was to indulge in these thoughts and memories, even though the double sided blade of them cut her mercilessly. Perhaps she was an emotional masochist.

She’d ease her way to those thoughts though, slowly drive the blade of those memories in before ripping it back out. 

She started by focusing instead on Yang. She was curious though if Yang’s new semester at Beacon had started off with a “Yang” as the exuberant woman was fond of saying. Weiss knew for a fact that she started off every new class with that line much to the exasperation of her students. 

Out of all the fellow classmates they had attended Beacon with, Weiss wouldn’t have pegged Yang to turn her talents towards teaching. But she recalled a conversation they’d had over drinks one night not long after Yang had gotten the teaching position. 

“You remember back when I told you about how I wanted to travel the world, find new thrills? Get mixed up in as much trouble as I could find?” Yang had asked as she swirled the drink in her hand looking at completely at ease. Weiss had confirmed that she did remember and asked if that had changed since they’d graduated. 

“No, that desire is still there but. Honestly, thinking back on our days at Beacon, they were always filled with unknowns. The teachers have to deal with so much. Taking students out on missions, teaching them about everything they need to know to survive...” Yang had trailed off here only slightly glancing at her robotic arm. “I’m pretty sure I can dig up enough thrills teaching. If it ends up not working out I can always return to working full time as just a huntress! But I wanna try this out ya know?” Yang had laughed cheerfully and downed her drink in one go. 

Weiss had been jealous of Yang’s blithe regard for her future. It seemed so easy for her to just shrug it off if one thing didn’t work out and to move onto the next. It was one of the luxuries that Weiss didn’t have, one of the few that you couldn’t buy with money when your last name was Schnee. 

She had smiled though as she had told Yang that she thought that she would make an excellent teacher, and she’d meant it. It was easy to imagine how Yang’s excitement would lend itself to inspiring her students in and out of a classroom setting. 

Weiss really should send her a message tomorrow to inquire how she was doing, it’d been a few weeks since she’d heard from Yang. Weiss drained her wine glass and pour herself another drink. She wondered if maybe she should’ve gotten two bottles. It was the weekend after all. The mixture of warm water and the pleasant hum in her veins from the wine meant that she could start treading water into the more dangerous thoughts for this part of the ritual.

It had been far longer than a few weeks since she’d heard from her old partner. Weiss pulled up the call and message logs for Ruby with fingers that were too eager. It’d been over 2 months since they’d had any sort of contact. The last message from Ruby was painfully polite. Truthfully, all her messages were. She’d inquired how Weiss was and mentioned briefly about how she was about to go out on a new mission with their old schoolmates Juane, Nora, and Ren. 

It’d driven a jealousy coated stake right through Weiss despite the fact that it had been Weiss’ choice ultimately to return to Atlas however. She had to accept her part in this situation and the events that had led up to it. It didn’t mean she had to like it. 

Weiss had replied equally polite and wished her luck and safety, Ruby had sent one last message with a cheerful looking emoji and one making a thumbs up gesture. Weiss experimentally tapped out a message as she looked at their past dialogue.

Hey, I miss you. I’m sorry I haven’t messaged you in so long. No, too sentimental. Besides, conversations were a two way street. Weiss pointedly ignored the fact that as she scrolled back through 5 months worth of conversations, if you could call the erratic messages conversations, that Ruby had been the one to initiate them all. Part of Weiss wondered why Ruby still bothered trying to talk to her after a few years of stilted awkwardly polite conversations instead of real conversations. Maybe it was guilt, or perhaps it was some deeply ingrained loyalty for the partnership they’d had during their time at school together. 

The one who should, and did feel guilty was Weiss. She’d made a real mess of things when they were younger. It would be a lie to say that she hadn’t meant to create some distance between them, she just hadn’t wanted to do it in a way that destroyed them. But when Weiss Schnee did something, she did it all the way regardless of consequences.

Them. Ruby and Weiss had once been a them, a we, a couple. For a short time in her life Weiss had experienced what she imagined true happiness to be like in her life. She’d wondered as she got older if she’d been afraid of that happiness. She wondered if she was she allowed to have such a thing. Maybe she had flown too close to the sun in the shared moments they’d spent together, and melted away to nothing for her transgression.

A memory flashed behind Weiss’ eyes. Ruby’s cheek pillowed against her shoulder, late evening sun painting the pair of them in golden light. Ruby’s voice as she softly whined that Weiss read too fast and she should just read the assigned text aloud. Weiss smiled at the memory now of rebuking Ruby as she downed her second glass of wine while readying a third to help her cope with the upcoming memories. 

“You dolt. If I read to you, you’re just going to fall asleep.” Weiss had told her girlfriend fondly. It was true though, she’d tried reading to her before and it had put Ruby to sleep almost instantly. She’d pouted at Weiss, replying that it wasn’t her fault that Weiss was so comfortable and that her voice was so soothing. Weiss remembered being flustered and gently smacking Ruby on the head with the book before hiding behind it, her mouth fighting off a smile. 

Weiss wondered if it had been fear of realizing that she loved Ruby, the fear of having it ripped away from her by the world, that had lead to her tearing it all down before the world had a chance to do it. Perhaps it was merely Weiss’ own inability to avoid self destructing that had been the cause.

They’d been dating for about 5 months. The happiest 5 months of Weiss’ life, even now. Weiss and Ruby had been so wrapped up in one another that by the time midterms had rolled around, they’d been as good as surrounded by a pack of Ursa without their weapons. 

Weiss could still recall the sharp sensation that had struck her stomach when she’d received her grades. The shock of her less than average results had left her reeling. She’d known that she hadn’t studied quite as much as perhaps she should have, but she hadn’t thought that the results of her relaxed attitude would be quite so devastating. Panic and a gaping hole of dread had opened up inside her by the time she’d returned to their dorm. The entire walk back had felt stilted and slow as if she were submerged in water. 

She had never done this poorly on a test in her life. She was a Schnee. They excelled at anything they put their mind to. They always succeeded, regardless of the task. Failure wasn’t an option. Weiss had not failed by the standards of Beacon or anyone else. But to the eyes of her family, Winter included, she had. She knew they would see it that way, because she did. They expected better of her. She expected better of her. Her mind had turned into a toxic swirl of negativity as she imagined the scorn and derision her father would inflict upon her the next time they spoke once he learned of this. Weiss wanted to die. Maybe she could find a willing Beowolf to just end her.

It hadn’t helped in the least when Ruby had returned to the dorm later that day with her usual cheerful expression painted across her face, her hooded cape swirling brightly behind her. She’d embodied the opposite of everything Weiss felt.

“Hey Weiss! I missed you after they released the midterm results. Did you come back to the dorms?” Ruby had walked over and sat on Blake’s bed looking sheepish. “Man, I didn’t do too well on the tests!” She punctuated her sentence with a light self deprecating laugh. Haha. “Did you get top marks again?” She’d asked it as if it were a given, as if the question were a mere formality. 

Weiss had thought then that it should have been a given. Ruby’s casual dismissal of her own lacking grades had lit a fire inside Weiss that burned everything it touched, her feelings included, to ash.

“I failed.” Weiss had said, her voice hollow with just a touch of self loathing coating it. To her credit, Ruby had looked stunned and quickly adopted a serious and concerned expression, she’d leaned forward on the bed. 

“W-what do you mean Weiss?” She’d tried to keep her voice even. Weiss had replied by pulling up her results on her scroll and shoving them in Ruby’s face with more force than necessary. Ruby had been forced to scramble to grab the scroll before it fell to the floor. There had been a heartbeat’s space of silence before she spoke. “Weiss, there aren’t that bad, I mean, you still did better than me!” She’d tried to reinforce her words with her endless optimism. 

“Fat lot of good that does me! Who cares if I did better than you? Zwei could get better grades than you, you dunce! I’m supposed to be getting exceptional grades! I’m supposed to be in the top of my class. This is all your fault! You’ve been distracting me ever since we started dating. Always wanting to run off and go do foolish things, or blowing off studying for the most ridiculous nonsense! I can’t believe I let you ruin my grades! God I knew this relationship was a mistake!” Weiss had begun pacing around the room as she’d ranted her breathing getting heavier with each empathetic gesture of her hands and angry word that she spoke. 

She knew though, that her last sentence had gone too far. But the torrent of disappointment, anger, and self loathing inside her prevented her from taking it back. Prevented her from feeling guilty at the broken expression that Ruby wore as she stared in shock, Weiss’ scroll slipping from her fingers to hit the carpet with a dull thud. 

In the present, Weiss’ head was more than swimming slightly from all the alcohol. She thought the sound of her scroll striking the floor should have been louder, more cacophonous, it should have more accurately represented the sound of Ruby’s heart breaking at that moment. 

They’d argued bitterly after Weiss had said that. Ruby protesting vehemently at first, saying that Weiss was just upset, that she didn’t really mean the things she was saying. She’d eventually stopped fighting so hard. She could only stand the onslaught of Weiss’ untempered words for so long. As for Weiss, her stone cold composure had slipped only a fraction when Ruby had shouted at her brokenly, tears pouring down her face. “Weiss don’t do this. I love you and I know you love me too. Please, don’t throw this away over something so, so stupid!” 

“The only stupid thing here is your pointless arguments. You’re wrong. I don’t love you. I never loved you. We’re done here.” Weiss struck the killing blow with all the cold detachment she could manage, and for a Schnee, that was quite a lot. Ruby had completely deflated then, every ounce of fight had left her. Weiss had never seen her look so defeated or broken. Her heart beat furiously inside her chest with the words she couldn’t force past her lips. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I so sorry, I really do love you. It hammered the message out against her ribcage in morse code, but there was no way for the other girl to hear it. 

“Okay....” Ruby had said, her voice soft and fractured. “Okay. I’m. I’m just gonna. Go.” Then she’d turned without another word and left the room, the door snicking softly shut behind her. To Weiss it had sounded like a bullet firing from Cresent Rose aimed right at her heart as she stood there staring at the closed door, tears finally falling down her face in an endless cascade of unspoken misery. Part of her had wanted to run out the door and bring her partner back proclaiming that she’d been wrong, made a mistake. But the thought of her family’s reaction to her grades, the snide remarks she’d receive from other students in the hallways, the pitying looks of the teachers, all kept her rooted to the spot. She couldn’t have her happiness and success too, that wasn’t meant for someone like her.

For the last 6 months together at Beacon they’d managed to maintain a strained working relationship. It was a pale imitation of their previous fluid comradery. Things between the members of team RWBY had never been the same after that. It was all Weiss’ fault. She was certain that Yang had not put her in the hospital only by virtue of one last small mercy from Ruby’s kindness. They’d all remained in contact, but the distance between Weiss and the rest of team RWBY felt as vast as the distance between Vacuo and Atlas.

Weiss cried from the pain of the memories that passing time had done nothing to dull, and alcohol only helped to numb the worst of. Pain and regret wrapped around her heart in a thorn cloaked embrace as she sat there in the rose scented water. She relived the pain of that exchange over and over until the water began to turn cold and tears would no longer fall from exhaustion.

Eventually, when she felt numb from the cold and the alcohol, Weiss exhaled one very long sigh as she pulled the plug to let the tub drain the water. She finished off a fourth glass of wine as she watched the water spiraling into the drain and wished that she could drain her emotions and memories away as easily. Life wasn’t that easy though, it never would be. Not for Weiss Schnee.

Lazily drying and wrapping herself in an overly fluffy towel Weiss retrieved her scroll and the bottle of wine from their places on the now icy marble tile. She somewhat sluggishly retreated back to the main room, alcohol slowing her movements. A slight, if fumbled, adjustment to the thermostat to keep fend off the worst of the cold was the only thing she did before climbing into bed, letting the towel fall to the floor. The sheets were cool against her skin but they warmed quickly enough as she lay there staring at the the ceiling without really seeing anything at all. 

The rest of her night was a wine induced haze of looking at photos from her days at Beacon. Specifically the ones she’d kept, secretly stashed away in a forest of folders, from the brief time that she and Ruby had been dated. Weiss’ favorite picture had been courtesy of Blake. She’d snapped the picture of Weiss and Ruby after they’d succumbed to sleep after a long study session spent outside in the warm afternoon sun together. Their backs were pressed to the wall behind them, heads resting against one another, hands overlapping gently. They’d both looked so content and happy then. 

On nights like this, Weiss missed what they’d had then more than anything else in the world. She missed when perfection was holding Ruby’s hand as they fell asleep. Weiss wished she could fix things between them but she didn’t know how to even begin trying. She didn’t know if things could be fixed. She didn’t know if she was allowed to be forgiven for hurting Ruby when she couldn’t even begin to forgive herself.

When Weiss woke up the next morning with a mouth that felt fuzzy and a headache she had an inkling that perhaps she’d had just a bit too much to drink the night before. As she dared to crack her eyes open slightly the soft light of morning caused a stabbing pain behind her eyes. That was the signal that she had indeed had far too much to drink the night before. With a groan Weiss just shut her eyes and laid her forearm across them. She tried to remember what all she’d done last night and succeeded up to the point where she’d gotten into bed with the remaining wine and her scroll for company.

She lay there for a few moments and tried to will the headache away. Her thoughts turned to the dream she’d had. She’d dreamt of calling Ruby and reconciling with her, apologizing for their disastrous breakup that had been tormenting Weiss over the last few years. It was a nice dream, but that’s all it was. 

She felt around on the bed for her scroll, hand coming into contact with a very empty wine bottle before it found her scroll. It took a herculean amount of effort to open her eyes long enough to face the bright screen of her scroll and the morning light so that she could call room service and order a very large pot of coffee and the strongest non-prescription painkillers that they could provide. After a moment’s hesitation Weiss also ordered a plate of toast on the off chance her stomach would let her consume anything this morning. 

She ended up dozing off while waiting for everything to be delivered. The too loud knocking on the door brought her back from the edge of peaceful oblivion. The rapping on the door had done her headache no favors. She bit back a groan as she eased herself out of the bed. It took her a moment to locate and put on the bathrobe from the night before. She dreaded to think how she looked this morning, but she was having a hard time caring about such things when her body was rioting against her. Weiss just wanted her head to stop pounding. 

She answered the door after confirming her robe was tightly cinched. Lien and a minimal amount of thanks were exchanged with the maid who had brought her coffee, painkillers, and toast. Weiss was in no mood for any sort of idle or polite chatter this morning. The only thing she was in the mood for was coffee, maybe 5 more hours of sleep. The sharp scent of the coffee made her stomach twinge slightly, but other than that it smelled like heaven itself. 

Weiss knocked back some of the pain killers with a gulp of coffee. She prayed that they would begin working quickly. She took her cup of coffee and a few pieces of toast and returned to the bed, sinking into its soft embrace with a sigh. She alternated sipping at the coffee while nibbling on the toast while she checked her scroll for updates. There were a few emails from work, nothing urgent or interesting. 

As she looked at her contacts she remembered her thoughts from the night before about wanting to reach out to her old teammates. Weiss sipped her way through 2 cups of coffee and managed to get down 3 pieces of toast as she tapped out emails to both Blake and Yang, that was as far as her bravery got her. 

The person she wanted to message the most smiled brightly at her from the contact picture Weiss had assigned her. Weiss’ finger hovered over the image for a long minute while she debated saying something, anything. In the end she was too much of a coward to make the first move, her limited bravery for the morning already spent. It was probably for the best anyway. Weiss put her scroll aside to charge, the battery almost dead from being used so much last night, and went to take a shower. 

Her life of perfection was waiting for her to return so that she could bear the burden of it once again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Weiss was exhausted. Too exhausted to cook tonight. She’d ordered from her favorite Vacuan eatery that delivered, even if the cost of the delivery was admittedly outrageous. The food was worth it. 

She’d had nothing but back to back meetings this week, including one with her father earlier that day. Weiss hated meetings with him more than anything else. His office was sterile as an operating room and just as cold. Everything was made of metal, a sheen of silver on every surface, the SDC logo proudly slapped on the rug in the center of the room, on his desk. Every inch of the room was devoted to forcibly reminding all who entered into it just who was in charge. 

Weiss spent the entirety of each meeting with him wishing she could just leave instead of meeting his eyes or listening to his self important speeches. After having to deal with that she deserved expensive Vacuan take out. 

She was currently installed on her couch with her feet kicked up on a mahogany coffee table that was covered in printed out reports from work that she’d been looking over. Weiss loved her apartment. It was very much in opposition to her father’s taste. The majority of her furniture was made out of wood, warm colors were painted across the walls and floors, paintings that breathed life into the apartment adorned the walls. 

As much as she loved relaxing in her home, Weiss wished she could get away with allowing herself more than a once a month escape to her favorite hotel to forget the world and her own name for a few hours. Once a month wasn’t enough. She just wanted to let her head fall back against the couch and rest her eyes for a few seconds, a minute, an hour or three.

Just as she was beginning to feel the tension leaving the high strung lines of her body a loud knocking on the apartment door hammered them all back into place. She checked the time on her scroll. It was 7:36pm. She’d only just placed her delivery order 10 minutes ago, it was far too early for her food to have arrived. 

Maybe whoever it was would just go away if she ignored them. All was silent for a minute before the knocking resumed, this time a bit louder with less pauses between each repetition of knuckles against wood. There was an urgency to it. Weiss felt her temper begin to stoke itself into life. Was it too much to ask for some peace and quiet? Was it too much to hope for some common sense that if someone didn’t answer the door right away they might not be home? Grumbling to herself Weiss got to her feet and marched over to the door like a rolling thunderhead. She threw open the door, ready impart a few sharp riposting words for whoever was causing such a racket. 

Those words died on her lips however when she found herself staring up into the silver eyes that haunted her dreams. Weiss took an involuntary half step back, hand on the door anchoring her with a white knuckled grip.

“Hey, Weiss.” Ruby Rose looked down at her, eyes crinkling at the edges as an uncertain expression spread across her face as she gazed at Weiss. “I thought you might not be home, but it looks like I was in luck huh?” Her voice was so familiar that it hurt.

Weiss’ heart stuttered in her chest, her lungs emptied themselves involuntarily. Her eyes rushed to catalogue Ruby’s appearance before she vanished in a flurry of rose petals. Before Weiss could wake up and realize that she’d actually fallen asleep on her couch and was just dreaming about her again. 

Her old partner looked tired to a degree that went beyond exhausted. She had a bag slung over one shoulder that was slumped slightly, it lent a rather crooked stance to the image of her in Weiss’ doorway. Her iconic red hood looked to be coated in road dust that was a perfect match for the dust on her scuffed black boots. It seemed for all the world like she’d just finished a mission only moments ago. Her eyes spoke the most about her state though, they were tired, so very tired. But they were alive. So, so alive. 

Weiss caught herself staring and cleared her throat. She opened and closed her mouth a couple times trying to find words. The only ones she came up with were less than composed.

“W-what are you doing here?” Her voice was slightly accusatory and demanding. She grimaced internally, not the best way to start off a conversation Weiss. Her heart was going too fast. She had to resist the urge to pinch herself, this couldn’t be real.

Ruby’s face arranged itself into an amused but tired expression. Weiss felt like she’d seen that exact countenance before on Qrow’s face in the past. She wondered if Ruby realized that she’d picked up even expressions from that man. 

“I’m here because you called me Weiss. I.” Ruby paused and cast her eyes down and off to the side away from Weiss’ face. “I was worried.” She seemed to be going over the words in her head before she spoke them. That was unsettling. Her careful consideration of her words was proof that they’d both changed in their time apart. “I just... wanted to make sure you were okay.” Ruby finally said, her face taking on a look of concern now at Weiss’ lack of comprehension for her appearance.

“I didn’t call you.” Weiss said flatly. She must be dreaming again. The hand that had her door locked in a death grip was starting to ache from the strain however. That probably meant she wasn’t dreaming then if she could feel pain. Maybe it was a nightmare, sometimes you felt pain in nightmares before you woke up. 

Ruby frowned at her and opened her mouth to argue before closing it. She was considering her words again, Weiss could see it.

“Would it be okay if we talked about this inside?” Ruby asked it carefully, as if she was afraid that Weiss would attack her with Myrtenaster at any moment. Weiss hesitated and she was aware of the fact that Ruby had noticed her hesitation, but in the end she made herself step back from the doorway and gesture towards the interior of the apartment.

“Yes, of course, please come in.” It was said mechanically. Weiss could handle this if she made herself operate on autopilot. She was afraid however that autopilot wasn’t something that worked when she was in such close proximity to Ruby.

“Thanks.” Ruby said as she stepped into the apartment and shut the door behind her. Weiss watched her movements unashamedly as Ruby carefully hung her hood on a coat rack that until this moment Weiss had never used but kept around anyways. She usually just tossed her coats over the back of the couch on her way through the living room to her bedroom. Next Ruby bent over and removed her boots and tucked them out of the way next to the coat rack. 

Weiss felt vaguely sinful as she drank in the battled hardened lines of the huntress’ lean body as she slowly straightened. Though it was nowhere near as sinful of a feeling as she’d felt four days ago in that hotel room. When she desperately pretending that the mouth between her legs belonged to the woman before her and not to someone who was there for the Lien. Weiss wondered if Ruby’s drawn out movements meant she was stalling for time, Weiss knew she’d be stalling for time if it was her. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts a bit, she tore her glance away from Ruby and moved to her small kitchen before she was caught out staring again.

“Can I get you some something to drink?” She called over her shoulder as she pulled open her refrigerator to assess the contents to see what she might possibly have to offer her unexpected guest as a diversion.

“That would be amazing actually. I’d kill a few hundred Beowolves for something ice cold and sugary right about now.” Ruby replied sounding for the all world like the girl Weiss had fallen in love with. A wave of nostalgia swamped Weiss and she was torn between feeling like crying and fighting off a fond smile. She wanted to make an almost reactionary teasing comment about Ruby having such childish tastes still. It felt too familiar, too easy for the distance they had between them now. Weiss had no right to any sort of familiarity with her.

“Would this be okay?” Weiss held up a bottled cafe mocha drink that she herself favored for mornings she was running late. “I don’t have anything else with much sugar in it.” Weiss said apologetically as Ruby sat herself down at the counter that separated the kitchen and living area, her presence making the already small apartment smaller still. 

“That’s perfect, caffeine is a bonus!” Ruby said tiredly but cheerfully as she accepted the bottle from Weiss and opened it with a casual flick of her wrist. Before Weiss could blink half the contents of the bottle had vanished.

Weiss got herself a glass of water if only to give her hands something to do. When she turned to face her ex-partner she found Ruby studying her, fingers interlaced around the bottle between her hands. 

“So... Are you doing okay Weiss?” It was a rather direct uncertain sounding question.

“I’ve been well yes, thank you for asking.” Weiss knew it was a trite response but it was a safe one. Weiss was confused by Ruby’s appearance before her after all this time. Confused, pleased, worried. Feelings warred inside Weiss.

“That’s... good.” Ruby said. She began biting her bottom lip in a way that Weiss had to force herself to look away from. You’re pathetic. Her mind informed her. You’re lusting after her right now? Really? How about showing some self control Schnee. Weiss cleared her throat.

“So... about this call you seem to think I’ve made. I think you’re mistaken, I don’t have any recollection of calling you recently. Not to say that I am not glad to see you.” Weiss said and set her water glass down, holding it was doing nothing for her, and she couldn’t bring herself to drink it.

“I’m not mistaken, or making things up Weiss.” Ruby told her with a certainty that reminded of her attempts at encouraging team RWBY back at the academy before they’d set out on a mission. “Look, I can prove it.” Ruby brought out her scroll and began flicking through screens. A few moments later and she was offering it out to Weiss. Weiss took it and gave the contents on the screen a cursory glance. Sure enough, there was information in the call log stating that she’d received a missed call from Weiss’ number. What struck her about that information however was that the call was dated for the night she’d spent at the hotel. 

Weiss handed the scroll back to Ruby with a shrug, her stomach had turned into a black hole however. 

“You left me a voicemail when I didn’t answer. I was in the middle of a mission so... Anyways, I can play it back if you don’t believe me.” Ruby told her as she already began to execute the commands that would play back the message. 

Weiss wanted to know what was said in the voicemail. She also didn’t want to know anything about it at all. She was beginning to suspect that her memories of that night were missing a very important blacked out section due to the amount wine she’d consumed. Weiss crossed her arms and stared back at Ruby. There was no running away from whatever was in that recording. It was time for her to face the music.

“Do as you wish.” Weiss said as her ice blue eyes met Ruby’s silver ones. Ruby nodded and began to play the message.

It was always disconcerting to hear a recording of her own voice, but for Weiss to hear herself voicing aloud these thoughts and feelings...

“I know I don’t usually call you but. I screwed up. I really screwed everything up so fucking bad. I’m sorry, I’m soo sorrry. I know sorry doesn’t fix the stuff I said to you when we were together. It doesn’t ever fix any of the mistakes. I keep making mistakes. I can’t stop making them. I just. I really needed you to know that I’m sorry. God I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so tired. I’m so damn tired of everything... I can’t handle this anymore. But I just needed to tell you...”

Weiss put her face in her hands overcome with embarrassment at how drunkenly honest she’d been, at how obvious it was that she’d been drunk when she’d made that call. But it seemed her past self had one last decisive blow to strike before she finished off the voicemail. 

“I needed to tell you that I still love you. Before I can’t anymore.” Weiss’ voice on the recording sounded like she’d begun crying near the end. Mortifying wasn’t strong enough a word to describe what she felt as she stood in her kitchen listening to that while Ruby watched her with an unnerving gaze.

Maybe if Weiss was lucky a Nevermore would break through the windows of her apartment and carry her off into the night. She doubted the huntress seated at her island would let that happen however, Ruby’s reflexes had always made her adept at hunting down Grimm. 

“I am very sorry about that. That was.” Weiss pursed her lips. “Extremely inappropriate of me. I apparently, obviously, had too much to drink that night.” It was hard for Weiss not to think about all of the other things she’d done that night, she felt like the pink tinge that had taken up residence on her face was there to stay.

“It’s okay Weiss. I was... glad to hear from you? I mean.” Ruby drained the last of her coffee drink as she gathered her thoughts and set the bottle aside. “I was worried because you sounded like you were in a bad way but, it was nice to hear your voice.” She watching Weiss in a ever so careful way that made Weiss feel like she might as well be made of glass. She certainly felt like she was about to shatter under that scrutiny and the too bright lights of the apartment.

“So, you came all the way to Atlas after hearing my regrettably drunken babbling like a complete idiot?” Weiss stared at a point off to the right of Ruby’s face.

“You sounded really depressed Weiss. You sounded... suicidal...” The word suicidal had been uttered in a way that expressed the fear the idea had struck into her old partner. 

“You could’ve just called me.” Weiss said, her voice sounded distant to her own hears. She felt guilty. She hadn’t meant to come across like that in the call. Hell, she’d never intended to make that call in the first place. Before she could voice anything of that effect however Ruby was continuing on. 

“Would you have answered though?” Ruby asked this with a very pointed look that Weiss couldn’t ignore. It was very true that Weiss would have in all likelihood ignored the call and made excuses to never return it.

“It sounded like you might be planning to hurt yourself. I guess I just got really worried because you never call anyone.” Ruby said and Weiss just knew that she meant to say: because you never call me. Ruby sighed as she picked up her scroll and put it away. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. I know we haven’t really talked since...” She trailed off here before rallying. “But you’re important to me Weiss. You always have been. No matter what.” 

Weiss wondered which of them Ruby was trying to convince. Though it had been impossible for her to look away from Ruby as she said all of this and Weiss felt some of the walls she’d been determined to hold up around her heart start to shake. She wanted to brush away Ruby’s concerns of her potentially hurting herself now or in the future. It was never a consideration no matter how tired she might become of the world. She had too much to fight for. She’d survived too much to ever throw in the towel like that.

She was about to say something when she was saved from stepping any further into this minefield by a knock on her door. She felt herself sagging with relief as she realized her dinner had arrived. Ruby had begun to stand up, hand automatically reaching for Crescent Rose, years of training and conflict had conditioned her well, but Weiss waved her down.

“It’s just the deliveryman. I ordered some Vacuan take out earlier.” Weiss found herself saying the next question before she had a chance to really consider it. “There should be more than enough for both of us... if you’d like to stay for dinner?” Weiss grabbed her wallet from the counter and removed a Lien card to pay for everything. She pointedly looked at anything but Ruby. She felt nervous. She felt stupid. What was she even doing. What was even going on here in the first place?

“Oh! I um. Yeah, sure! It’s been awhile since I’ve had some really good Vacuan food!” Ruby replied looking a bit startled but pleased by the offer of dinner. Perhaps she was just taken aback by the sudden change in topic from serious to dinner. Though when they’d been younger dinner had always been a very serious topic for Ruby. “Or any really good food lately, being out on missions makes getting decent food such a paaain.” The familiar whine of Ruby’s voice over something so everyday made Weiss feel like she was a teenager again. 

“Very well then, there are some plates in the cupboard above the sink, would you mind grabbing them?” Weiss was grateful for the interruption in their discussion. She felt like she was stuck in quicksand, the more she struggled, the quicker she was sinking into the unknown.

She didn’t know what to do about this sudden appearance of the woman she’d never stopped loving no matter how hard she’d tried, no matter how many women she’d dated or slept with. 

Maybe this was her chance to make things right between them. 

The fact that Ruby had come all the way to Atlas over a drunken phone call just because Weiss had, admittedly, sounded suicidal, must mean something mustn’t it? Weiss told herself not to get ahead of herself though, she needed to be careful. 

She couldn’t hurt Ruby again, not like that. She could admit to herself though that she was afraid that she was incapable of being the kind of person who didn’t continually hurt those she cared about.

Weiss paid for the food without incident and turned to face the kitchen, takeout bag hanging from her left hand. The sight of Ruby looking so at home in her kitchen as she stretched to pull plates from the cupboard, her snug fitting black shirt riding up to expose a tiny flash of pale skin, made Weiss’ stomach flip. This might end up being more of a challenge than she had bargained for. She took a bracing breath and moved into the kitchen to begin dishing up the food.

Weiss had a small dinner table in a corner of her apartment where they settled themselves to eat. The only company she ever had over usually was Winter on the rare occasions she had leave from the military and was able to come home to Atlas. 

Their conversation over food was painfully polite as their emails had been in the beginning. Weiss politely asked about the mission and Ruby obligingly disclosed as much information as she could that wasn’t classified. As the meal wore on however things defrosted and eventually conversation was flowing easily as if there had never a rift between them. Weiss told Ruby about mishaps at work and in turn Ruby caught Weiss up on gossip concerning their old schoolmates, it seemed Ren and Nora had finally become engaged. 

“I dunno though, I mean, I think Ren would look cute in a dress!” Ruby said as she gestured with her hands to illustrate the point, her face taking on a sly expression

“Jaune certainly wore one well at our dance back at Beacon! I still have that picture!” Ruby began laughing so hard at the memory of this incident now that tears were leaking from the corners of her eyes. Weiss couldn’t help but laugh with her, this felt so natural and so easy. She’d missed this so much. She’d missed Ruby Rose more than words could ever demonstrate. She hated that she’d ever thought she could live without this. She hated that she’d ever been so stupidly selfish.

“I still remember you complaining about wearing “lady stilts” all night.” Weiss teased as she rested her chin in her left hand, a small smile feeling at home on her face for the first time in months. Their plates were long forgotten and Weiss wanted to stay in this moment forever.

“I still don’t know how you fight in those things! I always feel like I’m going to break my neck whenever I wear them.” Ruby sighed and leaned back in her chair. 

“Practice, just like everything else.” Weiss told her smoothly. “Besides, I think you looked very lovely in them.” Her traitorous mouth said it before her brain could tell it not to. To her surprise, Ruby looked pleased by the compliment, her face flushing lightly.

“Thanks Weiss ahaha.” She rubbed the back of her head in the self conscious gesture she always made when she was embarrassed when they were younger. Weiss’ heart was eager to jump to a quicker pace at this reaction and she had to be stern with it to get it to calm down. Her friend had always been easily embarrassed by compliments no matter who they came from. It didn’t mean anything. But oh how she wanted it to mean something, wanted it to mean everything.

Reluctantly Weiss cleared her throat and stood to collect their dishes. It was time to return to reality. Ruby had come here for a reason after all and it was about time they both stopped pretending that she hadn’t, as much as it seemed they both wanted to.

“Is there anything else I can get you?” Despite her mental scolding, she wanted to stall the return to the serious conversation she knew they needed to continue for as long as possible if she could.

“Uhm. Actually... Do you happen to have a medical kit?” Ruby’s hesitant question had Weiss snapping around enough force that she almost dropped dinner plates in her hands.

“E-excuse me?” Weiss heard the shrill tone in her voice and by the slight wince from Ruby, she too remembered that tone was all too well from their academy days. “A medical kit? Please don’t tell me you did something reckless.” 

Ruby had risen from the table and was slowly backing away, looking chagrined. Her hand was pressed to her side in a way that was telling about the location of her injury. All of her too careful movements from earlier now made perfect sense to Weiss, she felt blind for not realizing it sooner. No, of course she’d been too busy alternating between self loathing and fantasizing about Ruby instead of seeing what was right in front of her. 

“Okay! I won’t tell you then!” It was a cheeky response that made Weiss feel exasperated. “Is there one in the bathroom? Is this the door to the bathroom back here?” Ruby’s voice rang with false cheer and humor as she slowly backed into the hallway that lead to Weiss’ bedroom and the bathroom. For someone who battled Grimm on a daily basis with little to no fear of even the most unnerving enemies, Ruby looked exceptionally nervous now. Was Weiss so horrible that she would look so wary? Pain filled Weiss’ heart.

She forced herself to school her features into a more neutral expression, she could be better than her past. She would be better. She would not tear into Ruby about not going to a hospital if her injury had been so serious her aura couldn’t heal it. Besides, she might have already gone after all. Though Weiss doubted it somehow, Ruby had a penchant for avoiding hospitals at the best of times.

“Yes Ruby, the bathroom is down that hall. It’s the first door on the left. There is a medical kit under the sink. It’s like the ones we’d take out on the field for missions. Will that be adequate?” Weiss paused wondering if she should ask the next question. “Do you need any assistance treating your injury?” Weiss let some of her worry and concern leak into the words.

“I don’t think so.” Ruby said with a wave of her hand. “I got Ren to wrap it up for me before I left, but I think I can manage it myself. If I need help though I’ll ask!” She vanished down the hall and into the bathroom before Weiss could say anything else. 

Weiss sighed and returned to the task of cleaning up after dinner while she let her thoughts play over what a night this was turning out to be. 

The cold water from the tap on her skin as she rinsed off the dishes and washed her hands helped to clear Weiss’ thoughts a fraction. It was a grounding sensation and if there was ever a time that she needed to be grounded it was right now. She began going over things that needed to be discussed in her head. She wanted to be prepared and collected when they got to the point of Ruby’s visit. Then they could both go their separate ways.

No, Weiss was not suicidal. She had merely been very, very drunk when she’d called Ruby however and she was sorry for calling her in that state. However, she would like to the chance presented and sincerely apologize for her words and actions when she was younger. She wanted to apologize for never properly taking responsibility for her behavior. Weiss set these facts in her mind as she cleaned the kitchen. She practiced them under her breath as she put the meager leftovers into the fridge, trying not to think about how Ruby still had as voracious of an appetite as she ever had. 

She ended up being so focused on her thoughts that she failed to hear Ruby calling for her until a hand on her shoulder had her issuing a small startled shriek as she whirled around that made both women jump in surprise.

“Sorry!!” Ruby had backpedaled away from Weiss so fast that her back had banged into the counter hard. Weiss was momentarily lost for words at the unexpectedly enticing sight of the other woman standing there in a sports bra, blood stained bandages around her torso, face flushed, and braced against her counter. Weiss desperately wished her brain would stop making everything sexual, this was difficult enough as it was.

“It’s. It’s fine.” Weiss said clearing her throat and focusing her attention on Ruby’s face with a determination she saved for fighting Grimm and arguing with her father. “Did you need help after all?” She asked, trying to cross her arms casually. She hoped her face wasn’t too red, it felt like it was as red as that garish hood Ruby was so fond of.

“Yeah. I think so. It looks like it was bleeding a lot more than I thought! So I thought I’d ask for help just to be on the safe side.” Ruby laughed at this as if her injury were nothing more than an inconvenient papercut, not a potentially debilitating wound that could easily get infected. 

Weiss felt a headache coming on and she frowned more to herself than at her companion, though Ruby didn’t know that. “Sorry.” She apologized again and her expression was wounded.

“Oh hush, you don’t need to apologize. I wasn’t frowning at you. I’m just annoyed that I didn’t notice earlier that you were hurt.” It was close enough to the truth that Weiss felt comfortable saying it. The words seemed to make Ruby relax anyway and in return that allowed Weiss to relax fractionally. 

“Sit down on the couch, I’ll go get the stuff from the bathroom.” She left no room for argument as she walked perhaps a little bit too quickly out of the kitchen. The bathroom mirror confirmed that she seemed to be sporting a now permanent red tint on her face. With a resigned sigh she grabbed the medical kit from where it sat forgotten, next to Ruby’s discarded shirt on the edge of the sink.

When she returned to the living room she saw that Ruby was perched on the edge of the couch, probably worried about getting blood on the fabric. 

“You can relax dolt. You’re not going to get blood on anything, even if you did, who cares. It’s just a stupid couch.” Weiss thought she sounded perfectly like her usual self as she said this. Ruby grinned at her and Weiss could have sworn that the room became brighter when she did. Weiss would do just about anything for another smile like that.

“It really takes me back hearing you call me that.” Ruby commented wistfully as Weiss sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of her. Weiss merely rolled her eyes as she opened up the medical kit on the table beside her and began removing the things she’d need to redress the wound. 

“Can you manage the old bandages yourself?” She asked as she pulled replacements and antiseptic from the kit. Ruby answered in the affirmative and began unwrapping the bloody bandages with complicated expression on her face. Weiss saw that the staining was extensive so she also grabbed a few gauze pads on the off chance it was bleeding too badly.

By the time the old bandages had fallen away Weiss could see that it was a proper wound, but not so bad that Ruby’s aura would be unable to finish healing it once it was no longer depleted. The fact that it had gotten so low that she sustained such an injury as this though told Weis more about the nature of the mission she’d been than Ruby herself had done. Weiss often missed going on missions, the thrill of battle, the joys of saving someone. But she wouldn’t trade her progress at the SDC for anything. She was still making a difference in the world, just in a different way these days.

The injury looked like she’d been clawed by something rather sizeable, Weiss asked Ruby about it as she began to carefully clean the wound. The bleeding was slow and sluggish, much less than Ruby had led her to believe thankfully.

“Was it a very large Grimm that did this?” 

Ruby made a face that was a cross between a pout and a scowl.

“It was a pretty huge Ursa. Jaune stole my revenge before I could finish it off!” She was definitely pouting. Weiss shook her head at the words. Ruby would phrase it like that. 

They fell silent as Weiss worked with gentle hands, biting her lip wondering how to begin the conversation that was looming in the room like a Goliath. Weiss wanted to avoid it, she wanted to face it head on. She didn’t know what she wanted. Ruby took the burden from her though, as she often had in the past.

She cleared her throat softly. “I suppose we should get back to talking about that phone call huh?” Ruby sounded subdued as she continued. “Weiss, are you suicidal?” She wasn’t beating around the bush this time. That was fine though, the time for avoiding things was long over for the both of them.

“No. I’m not suicidal. I promise you.” Weiss stopped cleaning the injury long enough to look into Ruby’s eyes so that she could be as convincing as she needed to be to get this particular point across. “I’m sorry that I scared you into thinking that I was.” Weiss continued and Ruby nodded looking thoughtful. Satisfied that she’d gotten that settled Weiss returned to her task at hand and finished cleaning the injury.

“I was very drunk when I called you that night Ruby. I apologize for that. It wasn’t appropriate. It’s not how I wanted to tell you those things.” Weiss sighed, picking up the fresh roll of bandages and began wrapping them around Ruby’s torso. She was absurdly proud of herself for not focusing too much on how it felt when her fingers brushed against Ruby’s soft skin. “But I did mean what I said. I’m sorry for what happened between us.”

“I know.” Ruby said with a sad smile. Weiss was beginning to feel overwhelmed by their proximity and the scent of roses that clung to Ruby. Such an innocent smell shouldn’t be so heady, shouldn’t be so distracting, shouldn’t be filled with so many memories. 

“You don’t need to apologize. I was the one at fault for all of that.” Weiss said and made no moves to camouflage the regret in her voice. Ruby looked like she wanted to say something but she merely watched Weiss’ hands at work.

“I shouldn’t have called you.” Weiss said to fill the silence. “I didn’t mean to.” Weiss knew it sounded cold, but she hadn’t meant to call her. She didn’t like lying to herself much these days. She certainly didn’t want to lie to Ruby, not anymore.

Weiss finished wrapping the bandages and bound them carefully before sitting back as much as she could on the coffee table, aware of the paper shifting around under and behind her as she moved. 

“I’m glad you called me Weiss. I mean, I wish it’d been under different circumstances obviously. But, I was telling you the truth earlier when I said it was nice to hear your voice again. I’ve really missed you.” Ruby confessed and she leaned back to relax against the couch, her hands folding in her lap.

“I’ve... I’ve missed you too.” Weiss felt compelled to match Ruby’s admission with her own. This was a time for truths after all wasn’t it? “I’m glad I called too, even if I wouldn’t have otherwise, even if I don’t remember it. I’m sorry for never messaging you.”

“Life gets in the way.” Ruby offered. It was an excuse, they both knew it for what it was. It was up to Weiss to decide if she would take it or leave it.

“We both know it’s more than that.” Weiss said with a heavy sigh and an uneasy shift. She wanted to move her legs but it was hard to keep her knees from knocking against Ruby’s. It was impossible not to be hyperaware of how close she was. She took a deep breath and forced herself to look into Ruby’s face again, their eyes locking. It was now or never.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you like that Ruby. I’ve regretted all those things I said to you, regretted pushing you away like that.” Weiss felt her eyes begin to burn.

“It’s...” Ruby stopped herself from whatever she was about to say. “It’s not okay, if I’m being honest. How things ended between us wasn’t okay. I know you’re sorry Weiss. That doesn’t make things better though, you said it yourself.” 

Weiss could only nod in agreement. She was prepared to finally take responsibility for the hurt she’d caused.

“I know. I’m not going to run away from what I did.” Weiss exhaled and balled her fists up. This was as scary as facing down a King Taijitu without a weapon. “But I need you to know, I meant everything that I said in that voicemail. I still love you.” 

Silence hung in the room after this weighty declaration and Weiss felt her heart begin to panic as it attempted to crawl into her throat to hide. Like she’d said in her message, she truly did seem incapable of not making a mess of things of not making mistakes. Maybe she herself was the mistake.

“Weiss...” Ruby seemed unsure what to do with this information. Weiss wanted to backpedal as quickly as she was able. Claxons were going off in her mind, the urge to say self destructive words to counteract her vulnerability spiked hot and fast in her veins. She forced herself to push that urge back as much as she could, she would be better.

“Look, I know that I can’t take back those things I said to you. I can’t take back how much I hurt you. I don’t expect you to forgive me. God knows I can’t even forgive myself. I was so horrible then.” Her words fell from her lips fast and furious, Weiss was aware that she was babbling, but she couldn’t stop. “I know it’s not an excuse but I just lashed out at you and it was so stupid. I was so stupid back then. I was out of line when I said those things and I lied. I lied when I said I never loved you. I loved you so much Ruby! I never stopped!” Weis didn’t even realize when she’d begun to cry at finally being able to let all of this out.

She hadn’t realized how much she needed to say all of this until this moment. “I know you probably can’t forgive me, but I can’t keep going on pretending anymore, I can’t pretend that I never stopped caring about you. I’ve missed you so much, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I couldn’t live with the possibility that you might not forgive me. I don’t deserve to be forgiven. Not after the way I treated you.” Weiss was sobbing into her hands now.

“Oh Weiss... You’ve always been too hard on yourself.” Ruby whispered as she leaned forward and reached up to brush away a tear from Weiss’ cheek. “The question has never been if I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. The question is if I can trust you again. Trust you to think before you say stuff like you did.” She sighed here. “Your temper runs away with you sometimes, that’s understandable. But, you can’t lash out like you did. You can’t shut me out and not talk about the real problems. That’s no way to live and I couldn’t handle that again.”

Weiss wasn’t sure she was worthing having something so precious as Ruby’s trust again. She wasn’t sure if she was capable of keeping a lid on the worst of her vitriolic outbursts when she was stressed out. She didn’t know if she could prevent herself from shutting down when her emotions overwhelmed her. But as she sat there looking into Ruby’s face, so earnest and caring, so forgiving, Weiss knew that she was willing die trying to earn her trust back. Even if nothing else ever came of their relationship than friendship, that would be enough. 

“I love you too Weiss, that’s why I’m here. Your phone call scared me so bad. All I could think about was what I’d do if you’d killed yourself before I could talk to you. It was terrifying.” Ruby sniffled slightly here and rubbed her eyes free of threatening tears. It was strange in a way to know that she still meant so much to this person who she’d hurt so deeply. It seemed that the bonds between them had never truly severed, just frayed to the point of breaking. Maybe they would weave them back together and form something stronger.

“I don’t know if I ever really stopped loving you.” Ruby pulled away from Weiss now, folding in on herself slightly. Gathering herself for the words she wanted to say. “But more importantly than that. I want to be able to trust you again Weiss. It’s easy to love you. It’s trusting you again that’s going to be the difficult part for me. You really hurt me back then, but I don’t want it to be the end of us. I don’t want to go forward with things like they’ve been. But I want us to go forward. Seeing you tonight confirmed that for me.” Ruby’s gaze was drawn to where her hands had begun fidgeting with the pile of discarded bloody bandages on the couch.

“What’re you saying?” Weiss asked, though she wasn’t sure what exactly she was even asking. Her heart knew what it wanted to ask.

“I’m... I’m not sure. I love you, I’m just not sure how I love you? I’d like to find out though.” Ruby’s hands fell still and she looked back up at Weiss. “We have a lot to discuss before we even really think about trying a relationship again. There’s a lot of hurt and history between us to work through.” Ruby paused to let out a breath. “I think you really need to try to forgive yourself too Weiss, above all else. You’re allowed to be forgiven. You’re allowed to be happy.” There was a weight behind those words that Weiss felt like a hand pressing against her chest. How like Ruby to see the things that she tried to hide inside herself and handle them with care.

“But... I’d like to try things with you again. I want to know for certain.” Ruby looked up at her through her bangs, her eyes were flashing with emotion. 

Weiss knew it wouldn’t be easy. She knew she would still have issues with her temper. She knew she would end up snapping at some point. Her temperament was in her regrettable DNA. But with effort and understanding from both of them it was possible that someday it could be easier and that was worth fighting for. Weiss would fight for it with all her strength and she wouldn’t let it go this time, the world would have to pry it from her fingers.

“Okay.” Weiss said. She wasn’t sure what else she could say. “I’d like that too.” She said as she sniffled and tried to dry her eyes on her sleeve. Her tears didn’t seem to want to stop falling.

“We’ll take it one step at a time.” Ruby said leaning forward and Weiss felt a comforting hand on her knee. She covered it with one of her own and squeezed it softly, Ruby intertwined their fingers and they sat like that until Weiss had calmed down.

“One step at a time.” She agreed as she dried her eyes for a final time. Ruby squeezed her hand again and Weiss felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“You know Weiss, when I was in the bathroom earlier. I saw that you had rose scented hand soap.” Ruby commented as they sat there. Weiss’ head snapped up with a look of embarrassment and disbelief on her face. Ruby was smirking like she’d just played a trap card in that thrice damned board game they’d played when they were younger.

“Please shut up, Ruby.” Weiss said with a groan and she leaned forward to her face in Ruby’s bare shoulder. Her skin was so soft and warm, Weiss never wanted to move.

“Is this a bad time to tell you that I’ve been wanting to kiss you all evening?” Ruby asked as her free hand found it’s way into Weiss’ hair. “It’s just... It’s kind of hard to concentrate when your mouth is so close to my collarbone.” Ruby said with some embarrassment.

“I can and can’t believe you’re saying that.” Weiss mumbled with a tiny laugh against Ruby’s pale skin. It was so tempting to part her lips and. No. “But if it makes you feel better I’ve been having inappropriate thoughts about you all night.” Weiss admitted guiltily with a sigh.

“That does make me feel better! I mean, at least we both know we’re still y’know attracted to one another?” Ruby said brightly and she leaned back so that Weiss was denied her hiding place. Weiss pouted at her about to say something but her words were forgotten when Ruby pressed her forehead to hers. “What do you think, maybe one kiss? I think that’d be okay.” She was grinning.

“I think that skips a few steps that we should be taking one at a time.” Weiss said with some reluctance.

“Maybe.” Ruby agreed, but she wasn’t moving away. If anything her hand was busy winding itself more into Weiss’ hair. The temptation to give in was so strong.

“Dolt.” Weiss said fondly before she closed her eyes and forced herself to pull back far enough until she was able to press her lips to Ruby’s forehead. She wanted to kiss her properly, but she also wanted to earn her trust back first. They could kiss all they wanted down the road. When they’d begun repairs to their relationship properly, not just laid down the groundwork.

“I love you.” Weiss told her after pulled away from the chaste kiss. Ruby grinned at her even more brightly than before if it was possible at those words. Seeing that smile on her face made Weiss’ soul sigh in contentment again and again.

“I know.” She replied impishly. With a care for her injury, Weiss pushed her playfully against the back of couch.

“Dunce.” Weiss said with a smile as she stood. “Go put your shirt on while I clean all this up. You’re distracting me.”

Ruby’s satisfied smile was dazzling as she copied Weiss and got to her feet to do as she was bid.

“Maybe I want to distract you.” Ruby said as she sauntered down the hallway to retrieve her shirt from the bathroom. “I still want a proper kiss though, just so you know.” Ruby said as she returned from the bathroom, carefully pulling her shirt over her head. Weiss felt an eye twitch, so much for taking things one step at a time. She’d somehow impossibly forgotten how incorrigible Ruby could be at times. How nice it was to be reminded though. 

“Consider it incentive for my good behavior then.” Weiss said primly.

“Why do I feel like I’m the one being punished in this situation?” Ruby asked, her bottom lip jutting out in what managed to be both seductive and sulky all at once. 

“You’re the one who said we needed to take things one step at a time.” Weiss reminded her smugly. Ruby had grumbled good naturedly and they’d spent the rest of the night sitting side by side on the couch talking until Weiss had regretfully mentioned that she needed to get to bed. Ruby had agreed and made a comment about how she should probably call someone to let everyone know where she was. Apparently she’d rushed off to Atlas with almost nary a word to anyone. Typical Ruby Rose behavior.

Things hadn’t been magically fixed, the issues of trust weren’t solved by any means. They’d only just scratched the surface of things between them. There would be many difficult conversations between them in the coming days. But, things were out in the open now. They were on the road to healing their wounds, together. Weiss knew that a lot of the work would need to come from her. But she felt like that she could finally begin to forgive herself, knowing that she was not beyond absolution. That was more than Weiss had hoped she might have the chance at. She wouldn’t waste a single moment of this second chance.

She couldn’t find it in herself to be even playfully upset when Ruby had stolen a kiss on the mouth on her way out the door as she left before vanishing in a flurry of rose petals.

This was one fight that Weiss Schnee was determined to win no matter what, even if she had to fight herself to win.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please feel free to drop a comment below. 
> 
> (Also, if you're looking for some amazing WhiteRose fics I highly suggest you go check out Verdantei's stuff!)


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